McRib is back!

I......don't.......understand.........this..........one.

Can someone please explain to me WHAT exactly the McRib is? I hate to point out the obvious, but when you go to a restaurant to eat ribs, you eat the meat in between and leave the ribs. Sooooooooo......if you order a McRib, are you pulling ribs out of this sandwich? The whole thing is wickedly shady and if you DON'T pull ribs out of your sandwich.......(dare I ask)........what are the ribs made out of?

I'm thinking if you saw the McRib piece before they drown it in BBQ sauce it would probably be some shade......of grey. And I can't imagine that would be all that appetizing to lay eyes upon. I'd really like to see the McRib form they use to press the pseudo meat into this.......odd........side of ribs....shape......ick. My stomach is turning. But did they make a mold out of wax first and then pour plaster over it....and then.........I dunno.

This is a total headscratcher. Although I am super curious.........I am also super scared.

I guess scared is a better place to be because my conscious will be clear knowing that I have not, nor will I ever ingest.......a rib..........eeesh.

Just sayin.

Wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers.

Gerard Butler has a quiet, dangerous kind of sexiness about him. I guess after the movie "300" and that moonlit nakedness he shared with us, it would be hard to not see him as dreamy.....and dangerous....and yummy..... (drooling)

Whoops. Sorry.

Last Monday I was at my day job as a motion picture advertising editor.....have I told you that yet? I can't remember.....especially since I post so far in between on this thing.....so I'm at work. I see one of our clients is in house running around with our President and another editor. There becomes a gaggle of guys just outside my office carrying on and being loud boys. I have to run to the printer. I run to the printer through this gaggle of boys SEVERAL times, never looking up and taking any of them in. Its our client, President, etc.

After a bit, they disappear into the room next to me to record some voiceover. I dunno. Wasn't paying attention and wasn't really caring, but annoyed that they were sitting outside my office carrying on LOUDLY about boy stuff.

My friend and partner in crime for junk food, Lauren....whom I am lucky enough to work with, IM's me and says "OMG! Gerard Butler was out there for 10 mins!" My response was immediate and frantic..."Out where? OUTSIDE? IS HE STILL THERE!?! WTF!?!" She tells me that he was in the hallway.....out.......side.......my........door.

I quickly grab a mirror to check my roots. Nope, brunette. But what a stunning performance as a dumb blonde! Never. Looked. Up. Gerard Butler 10 feet from me and closer because i walked by him........(embarassed to admit).........4 times........without........looking......up.

Wow.

So the afternoon wears on and as the buzz of Mr. Butler's presence gets around to all the females, suddenly meetings are being had with the conference room doors open and male co-workers asked to get out of the way of the line of sight to the voice over booth door. It was a bit stressful. I couldn't miss him AGAIN! That would be pathetic.

After about 3 hours, I was sitting with my edit bay door open and working on something with my boss Anna. It had been so long that I had actually forgotten he was in house. So Anna and I were discussing something I was working on and all of the sudden I look up and the divinely handsome and ridiculously yummy Mr. Butler was standing IN MY DOORWAY peering in.

I am SO glad I knew he was in house because otherwise I would have looked at him and yelled out something resembling "HOLY BUCKING GRIT!".......aaaaaaaaaand that would have looked bad for our company. But instead, I was in conversation with Anna and simply glanced at this outrageously delicious man and looked back at Anna, all the while talking.

Suddenly, he speaks. "Hey, do you have internet in here?"

My attention turns, "Why yes, I do. Here on my laptop. Go ahead."

I'm still trying to continue with Anna, but all is lost. Gerard Butler is standing so close that I could literally wrap my arm around his leg and gently lay my head upon the side of his hip and start purring. Would that be too obvious? Yea, I didn't think so either. But instead he continues.

"How are you ladies today? Is there anything I can help you with?"

My one eyebrow slowly curved towards my hairline in a devilish manner. The ideas flashing quickly through my head. Wow, that's quite a list and what fun! But wait....I can't. I shouldn't.....I should because after all its every woman for HERSELF!

But I don't.

All I come up with is...."Want to record my outgoing voicemail message?"

"Sure!"

"Really?"

"Yea! Bring it up!"

My fingers start nervously fumbling with my phone. Gotta call voicemail then actually figure out how to rerecord the message. Hands shaking so bad, hit the wrong menu item and have to start over. Am I going to be too nervous to figure this out? Will he walk away because I take to long? He is 1 foot from me and I still want to hug his leg, but I get it figured out and he says, "What's your name?"

"Kira"

"Standard greeting?"

"No, Kira's tied up right now....no, kidding. Standard greeting is great."

"Hi this is Gerry Butler, Kira's unavailable at the moment but if you leave a message, she'll get back to you. Have a great day."

Someone asked me how I even thought to ask him that. I don't know. Just popped in my head. And now I get to hear Gerard Butler say my name anytime I want. Life is good.

A few days later, someone at work asked me about meeting him. They asked if I thought he was handsome and all I could say was, "I wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers."

And its true.

So if Gerard Butler ever shows up at my house with a box of Ritz, you can be sure I will let him in. Just sayin'.

Wow.....and here we are!

Twelve weeks is a long time when you are watching what you eat, but its sooooo much easier when every Friday you step on the scale and voila! Another 2 pounds! Cha-ching! I'm of course talking about my long road to dieting for Fitness America which is exactly one week away. (Starting to get nervous....just a little bit.)

In the last 12 weeks I have suffered through 2 brutal colds as well as learning to chew gingerly on 5 meals a day with braces. Ah, braces. Don't get me started. The good news? I'm about ONE MONTH away from singing these suckers a little sayonara song! They done good though. My teef are straight and I'm going to smile all the dern time once they are off. Can't wait.

Its Friday....the 13th no less, and I have spent the week planning, planning, planning. Lots to do to get ready for Fitness America's "Nationals" as we call it. I have been making lists for packing, scheduling tanning appointments, hair cut/color, nails, makeup applications, bikini wax and photoshoots. There is so much to do that I'm a bit overwhelmed and it just makes me more nervous thinking I may forget something. More lists. I gotta figure out what I am eating next week when I am there. That is my biggest challenge. Eating cold food with braces. Its so much harder eating cold chicken than warm because you actually have to produce saliva to chew it up, ... which I have none of. Then it all gets stuck in my braces anyway. Sigh. Braces. Don't get me started.

Tomorrow is the beginning of the final countdown race. I have a bikini wax at 10am...get that over with! No bueno, but 10 minutes of hell for 3 months of "HEEYY!!" Worth it in the end! Totally! Then I am on to more exciting things like a hair cut and color and then hopefully lunch with my friend Cindy in Orange County. Thats the funny part. I'll drive all the way to Beverly Hills for the bikini torture...I mean wax and then 90 mins south to the OC to get ma haar did! I'm crazy, I realize, but by tomorrow night I will be in full fine rock star mode! After all that I have to shop for an outfit for one of the photoshoots too. Hope there are enough hours.

Then Sunday I am packing, cooking and getting my nails done. I need to get sleep in there somewhere....ah, well....and then Monday and Tuesday I will nervously make it through 2 days of work only to run home, shower and exfoliate so I can go to the tanning place to get spray tanned and then wake up at 4am to be on the road by 5am and get out of dodge before the traffic kicks in and people start running into each other. The upside is that I should make it to Vegas a little before 10am and after dropping my stuff at the hotel, I will drive over and see my friend who is sentenced to bedrest for the remaining 4 months of her pregnancy. Poor thing. I would LOSE MY DERN MIND. But this works out well because then I will pick up Kat at the airport on the way back to the hotel Wednesday evening. Then Thursday......will be CRAZY! Here is Thursday's current schedule.

8:00am - Registration

10:00am - Makeup done for Photoshoot

11:30am - Drive out to dry lakebed for Photoshoot

12:30pm - 4:00pm - Photoshoot with Cindy, Kat, Darcy and Me.

4:00pm - Drive back to Vegas for Savage Photoshoot

5:00pm - Savage Photoshoot at Bellagio

8:00pm - Tanning Appointment

10:00pm - Meet with Cathy one final time!

Crap. I'm tired just typing that. And I'm supposed to eat 5 times in there as well. No idea how that is going to happen. Oh...shoot. Just remembered, need to put 5 gallons of water on the list to bring as well. Five. Yes, I said five. And then there is a lot of peeing in that day as well. Should be interesting. I'm so totally super excited....and so totally super nervous...all at the same time!

The tattooed "To-Do" list on my wrist.

I'm not gonna sugar coat it people, stress is a b!tch.

I am 5 weeks away from competing in Fitness America's end of year extravaganza that we affectionately refer to as Nationals. I don't know why we call it that.....and by 'we', I mean the group of girls I train and compete with for these fitness competitions.

I think its silly to call it Nationals because people come from all over the world to compete in it. Shouldn't we call it the Worlds? Eh, whatever......where was I going....oh, yes, stress. Since my 12 week out mark, I was consistently dropping about 2 pounds a week. Last week, one pound and this week......2 tenths of a pound. Really? REALLY? 2 tenths? Why is that even on the scale? So a hair fell out of my head. Big deal. But its all because I am stressed.

This entry could go so many directions, so please forgive me in advance if I never actually get to explaining the whole tattoo thing. Seriously, I am so turned around right now, I'm, well, I'm just going 27 directions. Long weekend. Anyway...

Here is the source of my stress. My job. As I mentioned Friday about the uncertainty. What is really concerning me is that I feel like my boss has given up. She is so talented and a force to be reckoned with at times. I get along well with her and understand what she is looking for, so we have a great work relationship. Jobs have been hard to come by and I just feel like she is all turned around and feels like she is failing because she's not turning the same numbers she was the last few years. She actually told me the other day that if I got offered a better job, to take it. Not what I was hoping to hear.

But here's the funny thing. As I sat yesterday atop my couch, parked in the middle of my living room, piled high with my bedding, while the pack of wild window installers buzzed around me putting in the most beautiful and warm double paned windows I have ever seen....I opened the recent "O" magazine to an article that caught my attention. It was about living as our authentic selves. (I thought I was) And I probably am, but the thing is....we change. Oh yes we do. I am not the same person at 40 that I was at 30 or even 25. I am soooooo different and thank God for that! Looking back at 25, sheesh....I was a hot mess.....and not in a good way hot mess, but a fat, chicken finger eating, fat burner taking hot mess. Literally hot from the freakin' fat burners! Don't ever take those things. Bad news. I still have heart palpitations from the damage those things did. Eat right and exercise. No pills. No, no,no,no, NO!

I'm tired and getting distracted.....sorry. So I'm sitting on my pile of bedding amid the buzz of windows being installed and I read a gathering of articles about listening to your heart and following your calling and then the frying pan of reality smacked me in the face.

My life is about to change, again.

I'm a Taurus. Earth sign. Feet planted FIRMLY on the ground. Don't like change. Don't like it one bit. Hate it more than hating something could be hated....but I also know that change is the only thing I am ever guaranteed in this life. So what do I do? Tuck, duck and roll with it, because otherwise, its the frying pan to the face followed by the kicking and screaming into it. Better to go quietly and get it over with. Its like when I was little and my stepmom would take the band-aids off my very hairy legs. I think the waiting for it killed me more than that actual split second of pain where a patch of hair was torn up like old carpet. Now I actually pay people to rip hair off my body with hot wax. Oh the irony.

Something is coming. Its time. Its been 10 years. 1989 I decided to move to Las Vegas after college. 2000 I picked up and moved to LA. And now its 2009......its time. I don't think it will involve moving, but I think my career may change. It may just be that I move to cutting tv shows or some other form of editing. Who knows. I love advertising and would very much like to stay in the field, but who knows. This dropped into my lap outta the blue, so something totally unexpected could fall in my lap that would be incredible and hard to pass up.

Which brings me to my blog title. In 2007, while in Miami with my fitness friends at "Fitness Universe".....this is another of the big shows, like Nationals, but again, the name is retarded because it IS people from around the globe, but not the universe. I mean, I didn't see Mercury representing.....or Saturn....or....wait a minute, there was that one chick......

Eh, nevermind.

Ahem. Miami. 2007. With friends. I had been contemplating a tattoo on the inside of my wrist for over a year. So we looked up the tattoo shop from Miami Ink on TLC and went over there to get me a little more ink! We showed up just in time. It was 3pm and they were closing early for a funeral. Bummer. But they were more than happy to take my $300 for my 10 minute tattoo. Such gracious guys. (sarcasm) Whatever. It was worth it.

I got this really nice red headed dude named Morgan who quickly, delicately and beautifully scribed the word "Blessed" on the inside of my left wrist. I look at it every single day and its become a "To-Do" list of sorts because especially right now, in the face of uncertainty and eminent doom, I mean change.....I just need to remember that I am blessed and the "To-Do" list is reminding myself of all the good things i have going for me.

I still have air in my lungs and I'm healthy so I am blessed.

I still have talents undiscovered and untapped so I am blessed.

I still have friends and family so I am blessed.

Its all I can do right now and its all that I need to do because the Universe or God or whatever it is out there, always takes care of me and always opens amazing doors that I get to walk through and discover great things.

So anytime I start to stress out and worry, I just need to look at my wrist and remember that I am blessed and things will work out because they always do.

But if I choose to stress out and go kicking and screaming into change I get to welcome the frying pan to the face.

Hmmmm.....look at wrist.......frying pan. The situation is looking brighter already.

I know its been awhile. I've been debating.

And what, ye ask have I been debating?

Blogging.

Why?

Because I don't know if I want the world knowing my deep, certainly dark thoughts. I have so much to say and I may feel better sharing them but I'm just not sure. What if I am not pc? What if I offend? What if people are shocked to know certain things about me? Like that I love almond butter waaaaaay more than I like peanut butter? Or that I hate my legs? Or that I'd secretly love to know more about cars and that I wished I had kept my '94 Civic for the sole reason of tricking it out so I could join the all girls drifting club "Drifting Pretty"?

I dunno.

So much uncertainty. The economy sucks, but I hear its on the rebound. I wish my company felt that way. Things around here are, well.........morale sucks. There I said it. People are being scooped up by other companies and the president of ours roams the halls each day seeing who isn't busy and sends them home.....without pay. Yes. Things are bad. I love my job and I love my boss, but there are so many changes happening and the daily echo in empty offices filled with the footsteps of the president on his rounds is like waiting for the other shoe.....no boot to drop. Its not a good feeling. And its a heavy boot.

Tomorrow morning I have a pack of wild window installers descending on my house to replace my 13 rotting windows. (My building was built in the 20's) I asked my landlord to unstick 3 windows that her incompetent house painters painted shut last spring and her response, after much crying poor....did i mention she live in the Palisades? A very wealthy section of LA overlooking the FREAKIN OCEAN?

Ahem.

After she cried poor, she brought her 'window' guy over to look at them and she decided to replace all of them, while humming a tune about raising my rent when my lease is up. Nice. Not a lot to be happy about these days. Well, except that I am losing weight. In a healthy way. Eating whole foods and exercise. Not a fad diet people. Good old fashioned real food and exercise. I know, I know, you stopped reading when I didn't have a miracle quick fix. Read it aaaaaaand weep. Whole foods...........AND exercise. Write that down.

Which brings me to my pet peeve of the moment about losing weight and training for shows. I cannot stand it when people see me losing weight for a show and they say "Oh, so are you now in the starving part of your dieting?" (quick stealth backhand to offending person) "Uh, no, this is the part where I eat more than you and STILL lose weight." You really want to piss me off, ask me if I'm starving myself, but be warned, I offer up and healthy dose of whoop @ss.

The odd part....when I do starve myself by eating 2-3 meals a day.....like most people.....I actually GAIN weight. When I am "starving" myself for a show I am eating 5-6 times a day. You do the math. But no calculating while you are in the drive thru at Taco Bell.

I gotta go move some freakin' furniture around, so the pack of wild window installers can actually get AT the windows. Oh and did I mention, they never said what time they were showing up? Great, better wear something decent to bed but if they show up at 7am I'm kicking them off my porch.....or I'll let 6lbs of crazy do it. Better known as Monkey. Beware of the Monkey!

What a way to start a weekend. Grumpy and feeling like my job is empty and worthless.

yippee.

IM-ing instead of getting off me arse!

Why is Zac Efron on here? Read on and ye shall find out!

Ah, Thursday. Not quite Friday and certainly not Tuesday.

Last night, I had grilled cheese and tomato soup for dinner with my partner in crime.....for eating junkfood that is, Lauren. She's also my new dog Monkey's dog walker. I'll tell you the story of Monkey at a future date. But basically he came into my life in January of this year. It was time. Anyway, Monkey adoooooores Lauren and goes bananas when she shows up at the door. I try to pull my best Cesar Millan to keep him sitting as she enters, but its hopeless. He sees Auntie Lauren as endless fun and who am I to rain on his parade of banana-ness?

Yaaaaawn. Its a slow day. I'm waiting on one graphic for a project, but before that, we are actually waiting for the client to approve the new look that we did for this round of tv spots. I've been bored so I made sure all my time was entered and up to date for billing, as well as shopped for computers and translated a french menu for my birthday dinner. Now I'm sleepy and feeling like I am going to need a Diet Coke to perk me back up. Something.

Just got a Blackberry today. My first. Came via Fedex after a 2 hour conversation with Verizon a few days ago. I wanted one with a camera, but I had to get a "World Phone" for the trip to Paris/Greece. What a waste. I'd keep this damn thing if it had a camera, but it doesn't and you know how you always need a camera while out and about, so upon my return, I am returning it for the Blackberry WITH a camera. Silly, petty crap. Why can't they just make one with a camera and call it a day? Oh, right, thats the Storm. The worthless touch screen phone they came out with. Useless to those of us who have nails! So I'm letting this thing charge up and have to hit the Verizon store this weekend to get someone to transfer all my numbers. In the meantime, I guess I better get all the pics off my old phone. I hate having to go through this every year or so. Although my Razr lasted like 10 mins, or 4 months, take your pick. Talk about worthless. Enough of this.

During lunch Anna* IM'ed me, she's my producer, about the graphics we are waiting on and after a few back and forths, it dissolved into a conversation about my Paris trip. Anna has been there several times and sometimes goes for a weekend just so she can get some good sleep on the 10 hour flight! She's crazy....in a good way. Anyway, we were IM-ing back and forth and she finally typed "would you just come in here!" I was thinking I should get up and walk the 30 feet to her office, but sheesh, talk about lazy!! That's me! Is that what 40 is about? Not wanting to walk to 30 feet so that I would actually have to do less to have a conversation?

I posted yesterday on my Facebook that I am a social retard. And I am. I have interwoven myself into the Facebook/Twitter worlds. Being anti-social WHILE BEING social has never been easier! I'm following the challenge between Ashton Kutcher and CNN to see who will be the first Twitter of the two to get 1 million followers. Right now I think CNN is ahead, but only by 10K and both are in the mid 900,000. So its close. I'm even following Anderson Coopers tweet and as much as I love him, I'm only following Ashton and want him to win over CNN. The good news is, whoever wins is helping out a charity. Ashton is donating $100,000 to Malaria No More for mosquito nets and I have no idea what CNN is doing. But also if Ashton wins, he said he's ding dong ditch Ted Turners house. I'd really like to see that! Hahah! Little things amuse me.

Oh and I loved this a few weeks ago, so I'm repeating it here. OMG@Yahoo posted pics of some fashion disasters and at the end of it was a pic of Zac Efron promoting his new movie "17 Again". He wasn't making the worst dressed list, it was so random and the caption just read: "You're weekly serving of Zac Efron. You're welcome."

So there you go. You're welcome.

(*name changed to protect the innocent)

The closing Door

Just a moment in the day.  An exhale.  I don't think I honestly breathe enough.  Last week, the world was coming down on me so much that I noticed I was holding my breath....while driving.  Doesn't seem like the best way to exist while doing 70 on surface streets....for those who don't live in LA, 70 on surface streets gestures up a cough with a "b*llsh*t" disguised within it.  Ok, but the point is, I wasn't breathing. Which meant I was probably so distracted that I wasn't paying attention.  The good news in all of this is that it was probably one of the few times I wasn't enveloped in road rage.  A true rarity for me indeed. 

Why have I held my breath?  Am I waiting for the other shoe to drop?  The lottery numbers to be read?  Waiting to see if the outfielder catches the hit?  No.  I'm waiting to see if the door is really closing.   Sure feels that way.  

Here's the thing.  In exactly 10 days, I am being catapulted into a new decade and I'm not sure if I like it.  On April 25, 2009, I will be 40 years old.  

There.  I said it.  I never thought I would mind 40 because, well, I was super excited to turn 30!  Couldn't wait!  Told everyone!  Threw a huge BBQ and invited everyone!  Even got a bottle of Patron from a friend!  Along with a lot of soap and lotion. (Note: don't give someone soap and lotion.  Two things:  It says you don't know them very well or aren't paying attention  AND it implies they smell.  Moving on.)

I'm spending my 40th in Paris with my family.  The best way to think to spend it....considering.  Considering what you may ask?  Considering I'm not married or have so much as a boyfriend.  And this is where the world comes down.  I've done this to myself.  No one to blame but me.  Well, I could blame one person, but we'll leave her out of this because its up to me to get over my fears.   Now don't get me wrong.  I'm not dreading spending my 40th with my family, I love them and am really excited to travel with them, but I can't help but wonder what it would be like to have a best friend and significant other in my life.  What if I had kids?  What if I had my career, my husband AND my kids? Forty wouldn't be so scary.  The door is closing on the baby maker.  

All my friends keep telling me, "Oh but you don't look 40!  You look great!  Why are you dreading it when you look amazing?"  Let me say this once and only once......BECAUSE THE BABY FACTORY IS CLOSING ITS DOORS AND IT HASN'T EVEN PRODUCED ANYTHING!!! 

I'm not afraid that I look old, I'm afraid the babies will never come and I'll be that old lady living with her dog.  So sad.  And with that comes the official end of youth.  When you can no longer produce children, you are no longer youthful.  I am thankful that I look early to mid 30's.  REALLY THANKFUL, but the problem is, I also attract the 20-30 something male crowd that just want to party like a rockstar and I've already been there, done that and done it REALLY well.  

I'm ready.

I'm ready for the husband.

I'm ready for the babies.

I'm ready for the new life.

I'm ready to give up the 2 seater for a 4 door.

I'm ready.

But turning 40 and having none of those just makes me sad.  As we make dinner reservations for that fateful night, I can't help but feel like its a last supper.  Almost as if my life is ending on that day.  April 26th will not come for me.  I will cease to exist.  Ok, well, my youth will cease to exist.  But it feels bigger than that and bigger than me.

As I spin out of control into my 40th birthday, I just pray that I can get out of my own way long enough to still have hope that all my desires are attainable.  Don't know if I can though.  Many years of disappointment have left me sans strength for that kind of crap.  Its so discouraging because anything else in my life, anything I have ever wanted or dreamed of, I have made happen.  Master manifestor.  If I wanted it, I made it happen.  But this eludes me.  It haunts me, taunts me and pokes fun at me.

If I can have one wish for my birthday, its for a family of my own.  A loving husband who is down to earth, sensible, a great provider, caring, strong, faithful and above all, my best friend.  And of course, my kids. Two biological and then 2 adopted.  A big family, with joyous Christmases and holiday getaways.   I know it looks like I am asking for 'perfection' but thats not it.  I want the regular challenges and I want to get through them with my family.  It can only make us stronger. 

So on April 25, 2009 while blowing out the candles, I will make my one wish and spend the last bit of hope I have into making it come true.

Wish me luck.