Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Worst. Wingman. Ever.

Yes Chihuahua.....I'm talking about you.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised because as you can imagine, most guys don't come running up to a 6lb dog and squeal in a high pitched voice "He's so CUUUUUUTE!"  So I get it, mistake number one on my part.

I could have got a bigger, more "manly" dog, but I've always liked miniature things.  Ask my dad.  He actually made me a mini chest of drawers for all my little trinkets because I was fascinated by them as a kid.  Not sure why, but there is nothing cuter than a little dog.  So compact and adorable.  And if they start acting like a stubborn burro, you just scoop them up and carry on.  Plus Monkey doesn't really shed and he's easy to fold up in carry-on and fly all over.  Most dogs haven't been to the 4 corners of the United States, but this one has.

So out on walks, like most dogs, he's focusing on one of two things. Things to pee on and things to eat.  Not surprisingly, his sniffing style changes between the two.  For the "peeing" category, his sniffing is usually centered in one area.  Lots of minute nose movement and very few leg movements.  But when there is a Taco Bell or Carl's Jr wrapper in the vicinity, the mode switches to fast and furr-ious. (Must find food. Must find food. Must find food.)  

Monkey thinks he's sneaky and doesn't realize I know the difference.  So when he happens upon a rogue chicken wing, I'm usually arriving at the same time and the tug of war begins.  If I don't happen to catch it, an entire burrito or Egg McMuffin could be devoured in one inhalation.  Have you ever watched a dog unhinge their jaw?

And while, yes, girls are drawn to him and swoon over his adorability...thats a word right?...I didn't figure that he would actually hit on them first, but he does.  

"Hey pretty lady? You single?"

On occasion a man will come over and wanna say hi and pet Monkey but the face he gives them is the Captain Boredom pic below.  Meh.  Completely disinterested in them, practically peeing on their legs and pulling at his leash to continue our walk, the guy gets the feeling that my dog hates them. Thanks Monkey.  If I make him sit still for a few minutes, he'll start complaining.....LOUDLY.  


A few weeks ago, while we were out on our evening walk, he kept stopping and looking behind him.  I wasn't sure why he was doing this so I kept dragging him forward. But over and over he would stop and look behind him.  Finally I stopped as well and looked behind.  Two gorgeous 20-something blondes going out for the eve.  Monkeys tail started wagging faster and faster as they approached and he gave off a few excited howls as they got closer.  

(my ears started bleeding)

Don Juan Chihuahua strikes again.

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