Friday, May 21, 2010

Costco discriminates against single people.

Think about it for a second. How much sense does it make for a single person to go to Costco? I mean, I guess its great if you have a large freezer and don't mind eating chicken every day for 2 months, but lets face it, its really not designed for us single folks! I, for one, actually have one of those 3/4 size fridges, so I can fit even less and each time I open the damn thing, something is always bound to come shooting out at me. Rogue broccoli, disgruntled fish filets.....not sure how they'd become disgruntled.....or even what that means, but they are on a mission to GET OUT.

But back to Costco, grrrrr Costco. You know what they need? A singles area! Seriously! A place where us unattached can hang out and buy single servings of things at a reasonable price....and maybe have a bar! Yea! Yea and a rope to keep the families out! "SINGLES ONLY" I love it! I mean seriously, I go there and I get run over by the screaming children whose mom has already given them too much candy, and shes in a bad mood so she is hellbent on running us singles over with her shopping cart cuz we look like we haven't a care in the world. Then the dads that almost look like they'd rather be anywhere else, except for the fact that Costco places the electronics RIGHT INSIDE THE FRONT DOOR. (they aren't stupid) So the dads are stuck, all glossy eyed looking at the 6000" inch plasmas and mom is trying to wrangle the, kids and then us single folks end up looking at the books and DVDs because we couldn't possibly eat those portions of food in a year!

Which brings me to my next thought. How much are you actually saving? Stay with me on this one. You see a 10lb bag of peanut M&M's and you go, "FIVE BUCKS! FIVE BUCKS? Really?!? WOOHOO!!! FIVE BUCKS FOR M&M's!!" You take those colorful little nuggets home and they become your friend. You love them and hold them close, even wrapping the bag up in a blanket on the couch so its cozy while you enjoy them as you watch your favorite reality train wreck.

Then it happens. That day comes where you finish that bag. And guess what?

THAT 10 POUNDS OF M&M's IS NOW RESTING COMFORTABLY ON YOUR ASS!!! what do you do? You start shopping for gym memberships. How much do you think it will cost for the three months it will take you to get those M&M's off your ass? (And whatever other snacks you got on the cheap at Costco?) It ain't gonna be $5 and I'm guessing those M&M's are now gonna cost you more like a few hundred. So is it really worth it?

And while we are STILL on the subject of Costco, whats up with the "family packs"? ANOTHER way Costco discriminates against singles. Don't you even need a "Family Membership" card to BUY the family packs? No? Well, I'm shocked. I'm sure they are working on one to further alienate us singles.

"I'm sorry ma'am, you have no husband or children, you can't buy that family pack of shampoo. We need proof of a household bigger than...ahem, one."

"But I have a dog!?"

"Sorry spinster. Move along. NEXT!"

Yea, yea, yea.

Speaking of family packs. Here's something to ponder. A family pack of condoms. Thats right........hmmmmmmm?!?! Shouldn't it be the NON-family pack? I mean EEESH!! First of all, is the father and son sharing them? Eeeeeewwwww!! And then isn't it a contradiction to have something that PREVENTS a family, packaged FOR a family?

Serious head scratcher.

Talk amongst yourselves.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Hocus Pocus saved me.

Two years ago, when I had to put my dog Peanut down, I injured my back. My chiropractor called it "Sympathetic Lower Back" and said its pretty common when someone experiences severe trauma. The moment I realized my dog was gone, I fell over onto the exam table, burst into tears and my back was "broken".

For the last two years, despite Advil, visits to the doctor, heat, ice, stretching, laying down, it didn't matter what I did, my lower back had CONSTANT pain. Each morning I woke up, I was like an 80 year old. I DREADED waking up because I had a day ahead of me and I had to fight through the mind numbing exhausting drain of pain. Just walking my new dog Monkey was a chore. I'd have to ice my back and stretch it on a stability ball just to be able to walk without severe sharp pains. I hated having to pick things up off the floor because I felt like my back would spasm and go out. I could only sit in a chair or on the couch in certain ways. Moving to a new position was difficult. Getting in and out of the car was almost impossible.

I was in hell.

Two days ago I went to a doctor of chiropractic who also does chakra balancing and other energy work. I went to her because I thought one or all of my chakras were blocked because my dating life was such a disaster. But because they ask you a host of medical questions, she inquired about my back. I told her I've always had a bad lower back because I injured it at 22 by throwing 100 lb bags of dog food around when I worked for an animal hospital. For the past 20 years, I'd thrown it out here and there, but it was never as horrific as it became when I put Peanut down.

The doctor laid me on a table and slide her hand under my lower back and then checked my body's energy reaction to that quick touch. She told me, "Thats grief. Are you ready to get rid of it?" I burst into tears and said yes. She sat me up and had me place my hand on my forehead and she started a series of touches on my back. I'm sure she did some other things but since she told me to concentrate on the grief, I was focused on the moment Peanut left me and the planet forever. She then had me lay back down and told me that it was good I was crying because that means I released it. I was so distracted by the rest of the visit where we covered a gambit of subjects that I didn't really take note of my back till I was at the office several hours later.

My lower back pain was gone.


I could move again. I went from feeling 80 to feeling 30. I couldn't believe it was true and I was skeptical that it would stay. I figured I'd wake up the next morning and be all kinked up again. But no. I felt like a new person! I had energy, I wanted to skip, I wanted to dance, I wanted to sing, I wanted to tell EVERYONE! I......just........couldn't believe it.

But here it is 2 days later and my back is still free. I caught myself slouching last night and it dawned on me that I haven't been able to do that for 2 years! Hahaha! I know I'm not supposed to slouch but it was so amazing to be able to do that and a thought about it never crossed my mind because there was no pain.

I'm still amazed I suffered through 2 years of that. Two years. No wonder I was exhausted all the time, I was fighting the pain. What on earth will I do with myself since I don't have that battle? Hopefully date and finally get married! Hahah! But in the meantime, I think I'll watch some tv.........and slouch!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

One more thing....

After my Ryan Reynolds arrives, that I ordered a few days ago, I'm ordering this! *sigh* Gotta love some Hugh Jackman. Mmmm, Mmmm, Mmmm!

Open mouth, insert foot.

Do you ever open your mouth and just puke out something so fast that you didn't even consider running it through your filter, only to sit back and think "Aw crap. Shoulda edited that one"? So then you have two options. Backpedal like you are going for Olympic Gold and thus look like a nutjob, or you can try to distract and redirect everyone onto a new subject. Whatever the solution, you then end up running that conversation over and over in your head for months, perhaps even years, wishing you hadn't opened your mouth at all.

Its really quite funny how hard we are on ourselves. I said something yesterday that wasn't really that awful and it actually required some explaining, but once you say something kind of offensive and stupid, people have already made a judgement about you, so is it really necessary to try and frame it up for them?

I had met up with a friend, her daughter, mother-in-law and some people she knew to hang out and chat after being at the beach for a bit. We got on this conversation about Facebook and how its the new anti-socializing socializing, which is actually perfect for me, being the social retard that I am. Anyway, so we were talking about peoples updates and how it really tells us a lot about them. My friends MIL stated how this one "friend" of hers actually thinks she is quite important and has to state where she is at all times and who she is rubbing elbows with, while another seems to just broadcast how negative and depressed they are. Neither are things I hope to be broadcasting, so I say "How do mine come across?" My friend replies "Yours are just sarcastic." to which I reply "Eesh, I hate sarcastic people". My friends MIL's eyes, whom I've met several times before, got really big from this comment. As if to say "Well, hell, she must hate me then!"

Now, since I have time to explain to YOU, I will defend my comment....although I really wish I had run that sucker through a filter because I would have said instead "Really? Huh. Interesting!" Here is where my mind went immediately.

I thought about the dating world. I thought about all the guys I have gone on dates with who were SO SARCASTIC aaaaalll the time, that there wasn't a shot in hell that I would ever get to see who they really were. It was really exhausting. So now, if I read a guys profile and he says he is really sarcastic, I avoid all costs. And maybe that is wrong of me, but I have been to hell and back with the sarcastic jokesters that are terrified to even let a bit of who they really are out.

So am I sarcastic? Me? Naaaaaah.......ok, maybe a litte. But I feel there is a time and place for it. I am learning and growing with its use. I rarely bring it on dates because it keeps my date at arms length and if I do bust it out, I make sure it is TOTALLY obvious that I am being sarcastic so there is no question of "was she kidding?". Its difficult enough to date, but to add a guessing game on top of it makes it downright painful. (I'd rather have my nails ripped off with pliers.....and yes, that was sarcasm)

This all leads me to annoying is sarcasm? I like it at times, in the right situation, but do other people get annoyed that I am like this? I then think, do I really give a crap what people think? I guess a little, but more of it is to make sure that I am bringing a balance to it all. Like our conversation about peoples updates, I have friends that have one level of updates and its either they hate the world ALL THE TIME, or they love every day with passion ALL THE TIME, or they are telling us they are going to bed EVERY SINGLE DAY. I try really hard to not post the boring "I just got back from grocery shopping". I try and make them at least a little interesting. Yes. Sometimes I am just at the beach enjoying the weather and I have to share, but do I feel the need to post the ENTIRE experience? No.

10:52 "Going to the beach!"

10:57 "Yay! Laying on the beach!"

11:03 "Wow, the waves are HUGE today!"

11:05 "Just watched a surfer go over the falls!"

12:17 "Maybe I need some sunscreen."

12:31 "Sunscreen on!"

Alright....I'm bored just writing that. But my point is, I try to write things that are all over the place and somewhat interesting even though they may be twisted at times. (I blame my parents! You know who you are!......sarcasm.) So I will try to employ my filters a wee bit more. I know I have them....somewhere. In the meantime, I think I'm going to the beach and I need to update my Facebook status immediately with this because people want to know EVERYTHING I do! (I'm very important you know.)


Thursday, May 6, 2010

Still waiting....

Note to self: Order me one of these!

My sister in-law is fired.

Freakin' family! Every day I check a few things religiously to get my day started. One of them is the Cake Wrecks blog ( because who doesn't love to point and laugh at baking disasters!? And one of the other is my sister in-laws blog. ( I like reading her blog because it gives me an inside view into their day to day lives as well as the weather and other happenings up there in Montana. I like knowing what is going on with my nieces even if its dance class or band rehearsal. It keeps me in the loop and my SIL's writing style is amusing so its great fun to read about her run ins with a repair person or why my brother torched her entire garden. Good stuff.

But recently, she has been busy and because of this, the blog entries have been sporadic. I know I'm one to talk, but if I have nothing interesting to say, (or if Blogger DOESN'T SAVE AN ENTRY I SPENT 2 1/2 HOURS ON!) I'm certainly not going to bore you poor people. So it seems I must suffer on.........waiting.........patiently............oh and my niece is graduating from high school next month, so I don't know why she is busy........dum dee dum dum dum .......*tapping fingers*..........*whistling*..........*flossing teeth*...........*filing nails*..........Hmmm? Yep, I'm still waiting.......*more whistling*...........I'm hungry.