Tuesday, December 13, 2011

I have something to say!!!

I know its been a super long while since I've written anything, but its usually because my life is a bunch of crap.  And so....well, its still a bunch of crap but I'm now back in the world of cyber-dating.  Oh, yes, I said it......I'm BACK, meaning I've been there before and honestly didn't like it the first 47 times.  And no they don't have a t-shirt, but thanks for asking.

No, no, this is about the "bait" that guys are using to reel us ladies in on the internet and there seems to be a few trends.  The first one is the "Dig Me".  They are the guys that think their car should speak for them.  This is what one of them looks like and lemme tell ya, I think its pretty funny that we have a better shot of the car than HIM!  Sign me up! I'll date his CAR!! But does HE have to actually be in the car too?  Ugh.  Forget it then.

MmmmHmmmmm, moving on.  While we are on the subject of cars, can someone PLEASE explain why guys like to take pictures of themselves in their cars and most times, actually DRIVING?  What is that all about?  Its obvious that they took the pics themselves but what is that really about? We can't see the type of car that it is unless you know a thing or two about cars like I do, but most women don't so I don't get it.  

Hold please while I ask my male friend.  Hopefully he can clear some of this up.  In the meantime, check out these "I'm-driving-in-my-car-and-think-I-look-really-cool" pics.  Oh and also check out the Blu Blockers that ALL of them are wearing! Hey 1992 called and it wants its sunglasses back.  WTF?

Look a preppy driving and taking pictures of himself! Yay!

Ok, so update from a guy.  He says that a.) guys take pics in cars because they are usually all dressed up and going somewhere so they think they look the best and/or b.) guys won't ask friends to take pics of them.  He could not, however, explain why some dudes are actually driving while they are taking their pics.  Thinning the herd I suppose.  I just hope they don't thin those of us that don't wanna be thinned! 

Nice chain dude.

Oh and gents, another thing, why are NONE of you smiling? Would it kill ya to show some teeth?
(Don't even get me started on the Ed Hardy.  Thanks Jersey Shore.)

"I'm the driver of a limo, so this isn't even my car.......but I still look good.....yeeeeaaaa"

Ok, this guy looks good in his sunglasses but he looks mean.  I don't like mean.  Mean is mean.  Mean is like, someone stole my donut and now I'm mad mean.  Mean.

Next we have MORE sunglasses, but this time its from his mom's kitchen.  Yippee!!  Mmmm, whats mom cookin'? Smells delish!  Must be fish head stew because ole boy don't look too happy.  MmmHmm.

Maybe it wasn't mom's kitchen but Uncle Sergio's.  Uncle Sergio? Is that you??  You're on here too?  And this is your main profile pic?   Mmmm, we need to talk about the wife beater, reading glasses and the "sauce" on the counter.  Sends the wrong message I think.

Oh shoot and cousin Pedro! I didn't know....I mean, its cool yo, I just didn't think......cuz you know.....you said you and the ladies are......well, yea.......I mean.......nevermind.  Uh, but put on a shirt would ya?  Thanks.

Now we have one that makes perfect sense! Ok, not really, unless you are in the market for a perfectly formed and groomed.......tricep!  Yep, there it is!

But why?

(*shaking head*)

Nice boobs by the way.  They are so......perky.

Moving on.....

Next we have.....and I'm not kidding you.....this is the guys MAIN and ONLY picture on his page! I don't get it!?!  What am I missing?  I know he's missing a shirt and well....a head....but why!?!? A farmers tan and a flat tummy? Mmmmmmkay. How could a girl say no!?


Finally, I've been complaining that these guys never show teeth, so here's what I get:


And finally.  This one gets the Grand WTF?!?! Prize.

Say it with me now.  W. T. F.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

I think I used to like weekends.

Do you remember when weekends were all about laying about with a jumbo bag of Doritos and nothing to do but channel surf?  Yea, me either.  

What happened?  On Monday, my next weekend looks like an open, endless block of time just full of a whole lotta nothin'!  Aaaaand then the week rolls on to Tuesday....oh, right, crap.  Laundry needs to be done.  Fine, but I got the WHOLE rest of the weekend to watch dust bunnies mate! Aaaand then....oh....right, gotta vaccuum because the dust bunnies actually HAVE been mating.  They have mated on every surface, on every rug and apparently are now mating with the hair bunnies.  Well, fine.  So what, I still have the ENTIRE weekend to lay around and watch infomercials and catch up on my 37 DVR episodes of Top Gear!  

Argh.  I forgot I gotta get my nails done because its starting to look like I stop my car with my hands, Flintstone style.  Ok, well...yea and while I'm at the mall, I'll return that shirt.  

Sweet niblets.....the car needs to be washed and I mean REALLY washed.  I found out birds CAN get diarrhea and my coffee exploded all over the dash yesterday.  The radio is stuck on some Tejano station and while I don't mind a polka styled tune at a wedding perhaps, rolling around LA with the top down and "Toro Relajo" blaring outta my car may send the wrong message.  Especially since I already get enough attention from the beat up pickup trucks with the lawnmowers in the back and 16 guys shoved in the cab.  Gotta draw the line somewhere.  Si! Bueno! Gracias!

No bueno.

Then the checkbook needs balancing, bills need to be paid, need to mail that care package, get to the gym, water the plants, wash the dog, clean up the guest room, reorganize that drawer, drop the clothes at Goodwill.....

Do you see where this is headed?  No wonder I'm exhausted Monday mornings and I'm sure I'm not the only one.  I hate the endless lists of "to do's" and its one reason I don't go to church because thats one more thing to do, plus I need to shower for it!!  I honestly don't shower much on weekends unless there will be another human within 10 feet of me because I have no FREAKIN TIME and its one more thing TO DO!!

Wow, now the whole idea of marrying and having children downright frightens me.  

Although....with lack of sleep comes some level of ignorance is bliss, so it may be a good thing!  And.... maybe I'll make friends with the interracial dust bunnies and name them "Harry" and "Fluffy" and maybe I can train them to find the remote should I have a daydream about the days I used to sit on the couch and stare at a 1080p screen but perhaps I won't since I can't actually recall when I ever did that.....or I'll just teach them to bake cookies.  Yea.  That's a good idea.  Ok, bunnies, but wash your hands first.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Possibly Offensive Ponder...although it shouldn't be.

I have this thing that I do when I'm curious about something.  I try to break it down and take it back to a simplistic thought to gain perspective.  Now this one idea I kicked around may be offensive to some, but I hope not, because its not intended to, its just merely me trying to find some truth in a world of opinions.  It is a controversial conversation for sure, especially if you are Christian, but hear me out first.

I have listened for years to people talk about homosexuals and whether they are born that way, are a product of their environment or its learned behavior.  I happen to believe they are born that way and I will explain how I came to this conclusion using my simpleton breakdown method I mentioned above.  Let me just say that I believed they were born that way long before I came up with the simpleton method of breaking things down and heres why.

I babysat two kids in the farming community I grew up in back when I was a teenager.  I only babysat them once, but the little boy made a huge impression on me.  The boy was about 5 years old and his sister was around 7.  Lets call them Max and Lisa. (I honestly don't remember their names)  So Max was very dramatic, full of high energy and carried himself with a lot of female mannerisms.  He liked to play dress up and wanted nothing more than to play Barbies with his sister.  When his father came home, he was upset to see his son wearing a skirt, carrying a purse and playing with dolls.  He told me that he would rather his son play with trucks.  The father tried to pull the "girl" toys away from him and Max just broke down and fell to the floor wailing.  And maybe this is why I was never asked to babysit again because I allowed him to play with the things he enjoyed.

I remember being so fascinated with Max because I loved seeing him happy playing with the girl stuff.  I grew up with two brothers who thought Barbies were "dumb" and I think I would have enjoyed having a sibling who liked to do the same things I did, even if he were a boy.  I mean, seriously, kids don't care and make judgements, adults do.  Max's father was clearly embarrassed and ashamed that Max played with girl stuff and I found that quite sad.  I remember thinking that there was no way little Max could have learned to like girl stuff and carry himself like a girl.  His father was a mans man and we had no openly gay community in the cornfields that I was aware of.  People were farmers.  Men were men and women were women so he clearly didn't pick this behavior up around him.  That was when I figured out that God made him that way. (I am also aware that Max could have just been transgender and not gay, but still, my point is, its not a choice.)

On top of homosexuals being born that way, lets think about the reality of society being so cruel to gays and not allowing them equal rights.  Like marriage! HELLO!!?!  People deserve to be happy!  Two men or women marrying does not affect me negatively AT ALL.  I'd much rather have a gay couple on my street with the same rights as the rest of us so they can share their lives legally (if they choose) and take part in the American dream and be HAPPY instead of feeling like they are less than.  I mean, seriously, you stay out of my bedroom and I'll stay out of yours!  Getting back to my point, with the lack of compassion and acceptance from a great deal of society, why on earth would anyone CHOOSE that?  It makes me bananas when I hear someone say they "choose" to be gay!  Why? So you close minded folks can look down on them and tell them they can't marry and are sinners?  THATS INSANE!

This whole thing got me thinking.  And based on what I witnessed with little Max, I was curious to figure out a better argument about how homosexuals don't "choose" to be gay, but just are, God made them that way.  (I know that ruffles feathers because of that great book of fiction that says that its "a sin".  Yea, whatever.)  Heres where this took me.

If you take a Darwin approach that we all evolved from apes, this actually can make a lot of sense.  So lets go back to caveman times for argument sake, before texting and cars and aluminum siding.  Caves, trees, rocks, plants, animals, clans of humans.  At this time in evolution, it was all about survival and its still this way out in the wild, survival.  So lets say we have a clan of 10 males and 12 females.  (just pulling numbers from the sky)  The bottom line for these people is survival.  Some will die of illness or animal attack or stupidity (Darwin Awards started a long time ago) but overall there needs to be balance.  So I wondered in this delicate balance if God would create some of them gay for the purpose of population control?  What if God made 2 of the men, out of 10, like other men?  If this happened, they would only want to have sex with other men and therefore, no children could be born from this natural urge to have sex.  I think that God decided to do this as a part of that balance because if all 10 men were knocking up the 12 women, there would be too many mouths to feed and they would perish during times of lean eating.  There are so many variables but what if this was the baseline reasoning?

Think about it and come to your own conclusions, this is just mine.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Nothing to talk about.

Its been a reeeeeeally long time since I've posted anything, but frankly I haven't had much to talk about.  In fact, I've been utterly bored with my life and thus felt the need to spare you all from my holding pattern of limbo that beats me down a little more each day.  To give you an example, here is my Groundhog Day that can be plugged into any Monday- Friday.

Get up.
Go to the Gym.
Walk the Dog.
Shower, Eat, Pack Food, Get ready for Work.
Drive to Work.
Get Coffee.
Commute Home.
Walk Dog.
Eat Dinner.
Go to Bed.

Doesn't get more exciting than that folks.  A Certified 100% pure Groundhog Day.  Shoot me now.  Its funny too because people think since i work in Hollywood, drive a nice car and live by the beach that my life must be AMAZING!!!

Its not.

Its boring.

Its lonely.

Its repeated and its mind numbing.

Don't read this wrong, I am thankful I have a job and all that, but is my existence for the greater good?  Am I curing cancer?  Am I leaving a mark?  Am I doing anything noteworthy or just taking up space?  I guess we all feel that to a certain extent, but I think I'd feel like I was doing something valuable if I were raising children or something.   This is where stay-at-home moms should really see how valuable they are.  Raising another human to carry on after them is noteworthy.  If I never have children, what will be my legacy?  Getting you fine folks to waste money on seeing/buying movies that you didn't really want to watch or buy in the first place?  What kind of legacy is that?  Will I be noted for ANYTHING?  "Hey that Kira, she really did amazing stuff!  She managed to stop by Starbucks each morning before work!"  or "Wow, that Kira!  She was amazing huh?!  She walked the dog TWO TIMES a day!  TWO!! WHOA!!"



I'm not saying my life would be perfect if I had a husband and kids, but having a family gives you purpose to getting up each day.  Sharing your life and experiences with a family unit makes you feel like your existence is justified and its nice to have people to witness you and your life and vice versa.  Being part of a unit makes you think of others and the greater good of the family.  Some people do better being selfless than selfish.  I think when you are alone you don't care about a lot of things like you would if you were part of a group.  Maybe I'm rambling like a crazy person and it would stand a fit argument for someone like me who has been flying in circles to nowhere day in and day out for years.

To quote my favorite musician Nik Kershaw:

"Cold and lonely, tired and bored
just like the day before
Missing out on life's rewards
of that you can be sure
So bring on the dancing girls."

So back to my hole.  Waiting for the alarm to go off so I can repeat the same day again and again.