Sunday, October 18, 2009

The tattooed "To-Do" list on my wrist.

I'm not gonna sugar coat it people, stress is a b!tch.

I am 5 weeks away from competing in Fitness America's end of year extravaganza that we affectionately refer to as Nationals. I don't know why we call it that.....and by 'we', I mean the group of girls I train and compete with for these fitness competitions.

I think its silly to call it Nationals because people come from all over the world to compete in it. Shouldn't we call it the Worlds? Eh, whatever......where was I going....oh, yes, stress. Since my 12 week out mark, I was consistently dropping about 2 pounds a week. Last week, one pound and this week......2 tenths of a pound. Really? REALLY? 2 tenths? Why is that even on the scale? So a hair fell out of my head. Big deal. But its all because I am stressed.

This entry could go so many directions, so please forgive me in advance if I never actually get to explaining the whole tattoo thing. Seriously, I am so turned around right now, I'm, well, I'm just going 27 directions. Long weekend. Anyway...

Here is the source of my stress. My job. As I mentioned Friday about the uncertainty. What is really concerning me is that I feel like my boss has given up. She is so talented and a force to be reckoned with at times. I get along well with her and understand what she is looking for, so we have a great work relationship. Jobs have been hard to come by and I just feel like she is all turned around and feels like she is failing because she's not turning the same numbers she was the last few years. She actually told me the other day that if I got offered a better job, to take it. Not what I was hoping to hear.

But here's the funny thing. As I sat yesterday atop my couch, parked in the middle of my living room, piled high with my bedding, while the pack of wild window installers buzzed around me putting in the most beautiful and warm double paned windows I have ever seen....I opened the recent "O" magazine to an article that caught my attention. It was about living as our authentic selves. (I thought I was) And I probably am, but the thing is....we change. Oh yes we do. I am not the same person at 40 that I was at 30 or even 25. I am soooooo different and thank God for that! Looking back at 25, sheesh....I was a hot mess.....and not in a good way hot mess, but a fat, chicken finger eating, fat burner taking hot mess. Literally hot from the freakin' fat burners! Don't ever take those things. Bad news. I still have heart palpitations from the damage those things did. Eat right and exercise. No pills. No, no,no,no, NO!

I'm tired and getting distracted.....sorry. So I'm sitting on my pile of bedding amid the buzz of windows being installed and I read a gathering of articles about listening to your heart and following your calling and then the frying pan of reality smacked me in the face.

My life is about to change, again.

I'm a Taurus. Earth sign. Feet planted FIRMLY on the ground. Don't like change. Don't like it one bit. Hate it more than hating something could be hated....but I also know that change is the only thing I am ever guaranteed in this life. So what do I do? Tuck, duck and roll with it, because otherwise, its the frying pan to the face followed by the kicking and screaming into it. Better to go quietly and get it over with. Its like when I was little and my stepmom would take the band-aids off my very hairy legs. I think the waiting for it killed me more than that actual split second of pain where a patch of hair was torn up like old carpet. Now I actually pay people to rip hair off my body with hot wax. Oh the irony.

Something is coming. Its time. Its been 10 years. 1989 I decided to move to Las Vegas after college. 2000 I picked up and moved to LA. And now its 2009......its time. I don't think it will involve moving, but I think my career may change. It may just be that I move to cutting tv shows or some other form of editing. Who knows. I love advertising and would very much like to stay in the field, but who knows. This dropped into my lap outta the blue, so something totally unexpected could fall in my lap that would be incredible and hard to pass up.

Which brings me to my blog title. In 2007, while in Miami with my fitness friends at "Fitness Universe".....this is another of the big shows, like Nationals, but again, the name is retarded because it IS people from around the globe, but not the universe. I mean, I didn't see Mercury representing.....or Saturn....or....wait a minute, there was that one chick......

Eh, nevermind.

Ahem. Miami. 2007. With friends. I had been contemplating a tattoo on the inside of my wrist for over a year. So we looked up the tattoo shop from Miami Ink on TLC and went over there to get me a little more ink! We showed up just in time. It was 3pm and they were closing early for a funeral. Bummer. But they were more than happy to take my $300 for my 10 minute tattoo. Such gracious guys. (sarcasm) Whatever. It was worth it.

I got this really nice red headed dude named Morgan who quickly, delicately and beautifully scribed the word "Blessed" on the inside of my left wrist. I look at it every single day and its become a "To-Do" list of sorts because especially right now, in the face of uncertainty and eminent doom, I mean change.....I just need to remember that I am blessed and the "To-Do" list is reminding myself of all the good things i have going for me.

I still have air in my lungs and I'm healthy so I am blessed.

I still have talents undiscovered and untapped so I am blessed.

I still have friends and family so I am blessed.

Its all I can do right now and its all that I need to do because the Universe or God or whatever it is out there, always takes care of me and always opens amazing doors that I get to walk through and discover great things.

So anytime I start to stress out and worry, I just need to look at my wrist and remember that I am blessed and things will work out because they always do.

But if I choose to stress out and go kicking and screaming into change I get to welcome the frying pan to the face.

Hmmmm.....look at wrist.......frying pan. The situation is looking brighter already.

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