Monday, December 7, 2009

Wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers.

Gerard Butler has a quiet, dangerous kind of sexiness about him. I guess after the movie "300" and that moonlit nakedness he shared with us, it would be hard to not see him as dreamy.....and dangerous....and yummy..... (drooling)

Whoops. Sorry.

Last Monday I was at my day job as a motion picture advertising editor.....have I told you that yet? I can't remember.....especially since I post so far in between on this I'm at work. I see one of our clients is in house running around with our President and another editor. There becomes a gaggle of guys just outside my office carrying on and being loud boys. I have to run to the printer. I run to the printer through this gaggle of boys SEVERAL times, never looking up and taking any of them in. Its our client, President, etc.

After a bit, they disappear into the room next to me to record some voiceover. I dunno. Wasn't paying attention and wasn't really caring, but annoyed that they were sitting outside my office carrying on LOUDLY about boy stuff.

My friend and partner in crime for junk food, Lauren....whom I am lucky enough to work with, IM's me and says "OMG! Gerard Butler was out there for 10 mins!" My response was immediate and frantic..."Out where? OUTSIDE? IS HE STILL THERE!?! WTF!?!" She tells me that he was in the

I quickly grab a mirror to check my roots. Nope, brunette. But what a stunning performance as a dumb blonde! Never. Looked. Up. Gerard Butler 10 feet from me and closer because i walked by him........(embarassed to admit).........4 times........without........looking......up.


So the afternoon wears on and as the buzz of Mr. Butler's presence gets around to all the females, suddenly meetings are being had with the conference room doors open and male co-workers asked to get out of the way of the line of sight to the voice over booth door. It was a bit stressful. I couldn't miss him AGAIN! That would be pathetic.

After about 3 hours, I was sitting with my edit bay door open and working on something with my boss Anna. It had been so long that I had actually forgotten he was in house. So Anna and I were discussing something I was working on and all of the sudden I look up and the divinely handsome and ridiculously yummy Mr. Butler was standing IN MY DOORWAY peering in.

I am SO glad I knew he was in house because otherwise I would have looked at him and yelled out something resembling "HOLY BUCKING GRIT!".......aaaaaaaaaand that would have looked bad for our company. But instead, I was in conversation with Anna and simply glanced at this outrageously delicious man and looked back at Anna, all the while talking.

Suddenly, he speaks. "Hey, do you have internet in here?"
My attention turns, "Why yes, I do. Here on my laptop. Go ahead."
I'm still trying to continue with Anna, but all is lost. Gerard Butler is standing so close that I could literally wrap my arm around his leg and gently lay my head upon the side of his hip and start purring. Would that be too obvious? Yea, I didn't think so either. But instead he continues.

"How are you ladies today? Is there anything I can help you with?"
My one eyebrow slowly curved towards my hairline in a devilish manner. The ideas flashing quickly through my head. Wow, that's quite a list and what fun! But wait....I can't. I shouldn't.....I should because after all its every woman for HERSELF!

But I don't.

All I come up with is...."Want to record my outgoing voicemail message?"
"Yea! Bring it up!"

My fingers start nervously fumbling with my phone. Gotta call voicemail then actually figure out how to rerecord the message. Hands shaking so bad, hit the wrong menu item and have to start over. Am I going to be too nervous to figure this out? Will he walk away because I take to long? He is 1 foot from me and I still want to hug his leg, but I get it figured out and he says, "What's your name?"
"Standard greeting?"
"No, Kira's tied up right, kidding. Standard greeting is great."
"Hi this is Gerry Butler, Kira's unavailable at the moment but if you leave a message, she'll get back to you. Have a great day."

Someone asked me how I even thought to ask him that. I don't know. Just popped in my head. And now I get to hear Gerard Butler say my name anytime I want. Life is good.

A few days later, someone at work asked me about meeting him. They asked if I thought he was handsome and all I could say was, "I wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers."

And its true.

So if Gerard Butler ever shows up at my house with a box of Ritz, you can be sure I will let him in. Just sayin'.

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