I'm positive it's Valentine's Day.

I have been one of those girls that is more often than not, single on Valentine's Day.  For years I dreaded it and complained about it, pressing for sympathy from others.  Then I rejoiced when someone came up with SAD or Singles Awareness Day.  Yay!  All of us singles get to cry out in pain "Thanks for the reminder!" with multiple voices raised up in negativity against the injustice!  As if it was someone else's fault that we were single. Mmmmmmyea.

For years...ok, decades....I had been riding the negativity train that most of society rides.   Several times over the years I wanted off and while I'd hop off for awhile, society would eventually drag me back on.  Its hard to have a different point of view than the masses.  When you do, people think you are weird.  How do I know this?  Because I used to look at people that were happy all the time as weird!  They just weren't normal. Who could you be happy 24/7 when people took pride in cutting each other down and bitching about EVERYTHING?  Nobody likes a Debbie Downer but we've been breeding them in droves!!

I had glimpses of living in bliss and joy but it was impossible to stay there.  Everyone liked to bitch and complain about their boss, their spouse, their roommate, the moron at the drive-thru.  It was our way to bond with others.  I still struggle with finding positive things to talk about and sometimes I just sit there in silence because in my head this is the conversation I'm having...."Nope, can't say that, its negative. Nope. Can't talk about the moron at the dry cleaners that screwed up the alteration cuz thats complaining.".....I'd end up in "Soooooo.....WOW, have we been having gorgeous weather or WHAT!?"

Good grief.  Pretty sad.

So yesterday I refused to bitch and moan about being single....again.  I knew I'd read enough on Facebook from others so I decided to hatch a "Grateful for You Day".  I mean, seriously, Valentine's Day is just a commercial holiday where a lot of pressure is put on couples to "love" each other by buying crap.  Tell them you love them by buying jewelry!  Chocolates! Take them out to dinner! Buy the perfect roses!  Don't end up in the dog house!

This year it dawned on me that I am thankful to not have that pressure! So I thought I would instead focus on the people that I DO have in my life, instead of that ONE that I don't.  I really am blessed to have so many friends and family that are smart, funny and just downright weirdos! Of course I love weirdos because I am one myself, so I took to Facebook to give a shout out to everyone in my life because it feels so much better to send out that goodness than be panhandling for sympathy!  

And to my awesome friend "Hooka", she got this from me, her "Bitz". 

#HappyValentinesDay #ValentinesDay #StoneColdWeirdos #KanyeLovesKanye #Kanye #Hooka #Bitz #Positivity #Love #Hearts #Grateful #DogHouse #Consumerism #CommercialCrap

What did you do for Valentine's Day and what does it mean to you?

Worst. Wingman. Ever.

Yes Chihuahua.....I'm talking about you.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised because as you can imagine, most guys don't come running up to a 6lb dog and squeal in a high pitched voice "He's so CUUUUUUTE!"  So I get it, mistake number one on my part.

I could have got a bigger, more "manly" dog, but I've always liked miniature things.  Ask my dad.  He actually made me a mini chest of drawers for all my little trinkets because I was fascinated by them as a kid.  Not sure why, but there is nothing cuter than a little dog.  So compact and adorable.  And if they start acting like a stubborn burro, you just scoop them up and carry on.  Plus Monkey doesn't really shed and he's easy to fold up in carry-on and fly all over.  Most dogs haven't been to the 4 corners of the United States, but this one has.

So out on walks, like most dogs, he's focusing on one of two things. Things to pee on and things to eat.  Not surprisingly, his sniffing style changes between the two.  For the "peeing" category, his sniffing is usually centered in one area.  Lots of minute nose movement and very few leg movements.  But when there is a Taco Bell or Carl's Jr wrapper in the vicinity, the mode switches to fast and furr-ious. (Must find food. Must find food. Must find food.)  

Monkey thinks he's sneaky and doesn't realize I know the difference.  So when he happens upon a rogue chicken wing, I'm usually arriving at the same time and the tug of war begins.  If I don't happen to catch it, an entire burrito or Egg McMuffin could be devoured in one inhalation.  Have you ever watched a dog unhinge their jaw?

And while, yes, girls are drawn to him and swoon over his adorability...thats a word right?...I didn't figure that he would actually hit on them first, but he does.  

"Hey pretty lady? You single?"

On occasion a man will come over and wanna say hi and pet Monkey but the face he gives them is the Captain Boredom pic below.  Meh.  Completely disinterested in them, practically peeing on their legs and pulling at his leash to continue our walk, the guy gets the feeling that my dog hates them. Thanks Monkey.  If I make him sit still for a few minutes, he'll start complaining.....LOUDLY.  

"YEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOW!"

A few weeks ago, while we were out on our evening walk, he kept stopping and looking behind him.  I wasn't sure why he was doing this so I kept dragging him forward. But over and over he would stop and look behind him.  Finally I stopped as well and looked behind.  Two gorgeous 20-something blondes going out for the eve.  Monkeys tail started wagging faster and faster as they approached and he gave off a few excited howls as they got closer.  

"OHHHHHH! HOW CUUUUUUUTE!" 

(my ears started bleeding)

Don Juan Chihuahua strikes again.

When you think it's over....it's just beginning!

We're taught to go to school, study hard, get good grades, go to college, get a degree, get your career going, move up the ladder, then retire.  But guess what? The game has changed.  I did all those things.  My parents made sure I got a great education and even sent me to art school for college.  Despite most parents fears that art school only cranks out starving artists, mine knew that wasn't going to be my fate and they were right.  

I graduated with a Film degree, moved to LA and became a movie trailer editor.  I busted my butt and sacrificed to reach my goal and created an amazing life for myself.  I got a 6-figure income, my dream car, a place by the beach, traveling to Europe every other year and getting my work in front of Oscar winning directors wasn't bad either.  I'd reached my goal and expected to just sit back and enjoy my life....and  then it happened.....plot twist!  I lost my job.

Over the past few decades, I'd refused to see that the economy was evolving and I'd ignored the signs. For the past generations it was the "40 hours a week, for 40 years" plan and that's what I trusted, but things changed.  All the sudden 9-5 isn't secure anymore and certainly no one stays in one job for 40 years.  Whether its their choice or not it doesn't matter because job security is gone.  It doesn't exist.  Unless you are in a government job or a union, you are rolling the dice every single day.

"Should you find yourself in a chronically leaking boat, energy devoted to changing vessels is likely to be more productive than energy devoted to patching leaks." - Warren Buffett

The boat is sinking in the 9-5 job world and it's time to find a new boat, a better boat, a different boat.    So I've had to do a lot of soul searching as well as investigating new avenues of income because a paycheck is an outdated idea.  

Many of my friends have found new ways to live beyond the 9-5 with fantastic results.  Passive income and residual income are new avenues they've discovered that actually work and people are happier as well as paid better!  The brilliant thing is that part of this journey is really asking yourself what you are passionate about?  What gets you out of bed each day?  What brings you great joy?  Why couldn't those things pay you handsomely?  Ever hear "do what you love and the money will follow?"  I've watched many of my friends become pioneers in these new directions with staggering results.  They are happier, more content in their souls, spend more time with loved ones and are paid beyond what they ever imagined!  Who wouldn't want that life?  There are new boats out there, better boats, different boats but we first have to let go of the one that has failed us and is sinking.

So in a way, this has been a blessing.  I've been forced off the Titanic and had my fingers unclenched from the side. I don't really like change....ok, I loathe it but its been essential in my growth over the years.  Moving cross country at 21 was a really difficult change, but I did it because I had to.  I was drowning. So here I am again, in the water, drowning.  Luckily, I have friends on the new boats offering me a hand.   And come to think of it, even though my parents came from the "40 hours a week for 40 years" generation, it doesn't mean they did that.  They owned their own businesses, several in fact.  Their mantra has always been "I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up."  Very good advice and I think I'll take it.

Save me!

I've really been wanting to blog, but there has been such a swirl of things going on that trying to pin down one thing to blog about was like trying to wrestle a chicken leg away from Monkey.  But tonight I thought about a major turning point in my life that recently happened and I thought I'd share it because it literally unlocked so much for me.  Dare I say, it unlocked the true me.

The past 2 years have been brutal on my self-esteem, my future, my friendships and how I viewed myself. I got really lost and tumbled like I was caught in a wave.  A few times I didn't know which way was up and felt like I was being held under water....my biggest fear, by the way.

So the past few months, I've worked on getting my head back above the water, then looking for a life preserver......and then a freakin' boat to finally get me to shore!  What's funny is that life, truly is like being lost at sea sometimes.   Days can be calm and beautiful, while others are dark and stormy with waves tossing you around, desperate for a breath of air.  But being lost at sea is difficult because you aren't living you are just trying to survive and that single solitary struggle can exhaust you not only physically but also mentally.  When you are focusing on survival, you aren't even looking for a way out, its just staying alive.  Looking to be saved typically requires others to help you.  A boat.  A plane. A dolphin that talks....but that would be a hallucination you'd have while surviving and possibly ingesting too much sea water.

So it comes down to a moment when you are crying out for someone....ANYONE to save you....and they don't ever arrive.  So what do you do?  Give up and die? Or try to save yourself?

That's where I ended up a few weeks ago.  I was struggling.  I was hurting.  My life wasn't working the way I wanted or thought I deserved because I'd worked SO hard for SO long only to have it all washed away in a blink.  I was truly lost and started searching for answers and was looking for them in a way I did many times.  Looking for the answers in others.  People popped in my head, "Oh, I'll ask her!"  or "Wait, I think he could shed some light on this!" but then I'd feel the emptiness.   It's like that feeling when you eat something you'd been craving or buy something you'd been wanting.  It'd bring joy for a moment and then the emptiness would return.

I spent a few weeks twisting on this because I KNEW no one had the answers.  I knew it was empty and it frustrated me.  I wanted to kick trees and throw rocks at street signs.  I just wanted so badly for someone to save me, to give me the answers, to unlock something inside me!  Then one day the answer came but it wasn't what I wanted to hear.  I heard loud and clear that "I" had to find the answers within.  Its funny because for so many things in my life I knew this concept, like when it came to me understanding that I had to leave a job or I'd leave my sanity. Or my time in a city had run its course and it was time to move on, but looking inside to find the answer to open myself up?!  Insanity!  Especially since I was so guarded and scared of certain aspects of who I thought I was.

Two weekends ago, I was on Week 3 of Lori Harder's Bliss Habit and surrounded by several friends, when the flood gates opened and they OPENED WIDE!  It was a torrent of tears releasing years of pent up frustration, fears and horrible messages I had running in my head. I thought the wall within me was just one of 4 walls, in a room of my subconscious but it was more like a wall holding back secrets and lies.  Once I let them out, I felt the light within me turn on brighter than I'd ever imagined.  I felt free.  I felt like the boat finally arrived to pluck me from the ocean and it was a boat that I had manifested just by finally knowing and acknowledging that I had the answers the entire time.

The funny part about manifesting is that you don't really have to do much, its just knowing that something is what you want and letting the "how" be up to the Universe/God and then trusting that.  So many things I've manifested in my life like the car of my dreams, a beautiful beach bungalow in Southern California and now a life without limitations.  I found the key and it was inside me the entire time.  The voices in my head told me I didn't know anything, I was worthless, I had nothing to contribute to the world, I wasn't good at certain things and therefore should never try but now I know that I can do ANYTHING especially because I have that "pull" in my gut that hasn't failed me yet.  Its the same pull that told me I had to leave the east coast for the west.  The same pull that told me I had to leave one city for another even though I knew no one in the new city.  I just always trusted the pull and I think that nagging pull brought me through the worst struggle of my life these past 2 years to deposit me right in front of my bliss, my gift, why I was born.  I just had to unlock it.

While the struggles were horribly difficult and they almost took me under a few times, I fought for my life.  I fought for my breath and I saved myself.  I ACTUALLY saved myself and saving myself taught me that I am worth it and I do know some things, some pretty amazing things! But most of all it taught me to trust that pull and hang on, no matter what because if I'm powerful enough to save myself, I can do anything. I am no longer just surviving...I am finally living.  Go me!

Are you alive?

As I sit here and really think about the life I've already had, it amazes me. I've lived in some amazing cities, I still call home and visited many more around the world. I am so blessed to have the friends I have and am excited everyday when I think about who I may meet.  The opportunities I've been given are endless and I'm so glad that I said yes to them. 

I also recognized that if I had let fear engulf me, I wouldn't have moved to all these cities, traveled to the others, met all these amazing people, I call friends and been given all these opportunities. I looked fear right in the face, took a deep breath and had nothing but faith that it would all work out because I wasn't going backwards. 

For some reason, I don't have a reverse. When I left the east coast for the west, many thought when things got tough I'd go back. I'd just look at them crazy and say..."huh?" That was never a thought to me. It was always "ok, whats next?"

Where are you in your life? Is it what you wanted or are you stuck? Is going backwards an option or do you push forward, excited at the next opportunity that will come? Are you in a career that gives you the life you want and inspires you? Do you realize you can have anything...and I mean ANYTHING, if you are willing to stare fear in the face and laugh at it?  What's the worst that could happen? You learn and then you try something else, but you are moving towards your dreams and it will make you feel ALIVE! So are you living?

This is our one shot. We don't get a do over in this body, at this time. Are you living the life of your dreams or are you just waiting for the clock to run out? The amazing life you want is out there and it's achievable.  I know because when my life hits a wall, I start looking for opportunities and they will FALL into your lap when you are open, I promise you! 

Fear is just False Evidence Appearing Real. Are you going to let something that you've made up in your head stop you? You want to know true fear, go walk on fire. I've done it. It's real and it CAN hurt you but get your mind in the right place and you will be unharmed on the other side. So why do we let the THOUGHT of "what if I fail?" stop us? It's JUST A THOUGHT! Fire is hot but a thought...is still JUST a thought. 

So. How do you want your life? Feet cemented to one place, going through the same grind day after day? Or do you want to fly and have endless possibilities? It's really quite simple. Open your eyes and your mind...then decide. :)

Sent from my iPhone

I have something to say!!!

I know its been a super long while since I've written anything, but its usually because my life is a bunch of crap.  And so....well, its still a bunch of crap but I'm now back in the world of cyber-dating.  Oh, yes, I said it......I'm BACK, meaning I've been there before and honestly didn't like it the first 47 times.  And no they don't have a t-shirt, but thanks for asking.

No, no, this is about the "bait" that guys are using to reel us ladies in on the internet and there seems to be a few trends.  The first one is the "Dig Me".  They are the guys that think their car should speak for them.  This is what one of them looks like and lemme tell ya, I think its pretty funny that we have a better shot of the car than HIM!  Sign me up! I'll date his CAR!! But does HE have to actually be in the car too?  Ugh.  Forget it then.

MmmmHmmmmm, moving on.  While we are on the subject of cars, can someone PLEASE explain why guys like to take pictures of themselves in their cars and most times, actually DRIVING?  What is that all about?  Its obvious that they took the pics themselves but what is that really about? We can't see the type of car that it is unless you know a thing or two about cars like I do, but most women don't so I don't get it.  

Hold please while I ask my male friend.  Hopefully he can clear some of this up.  In the meantime, check out these "I'm-driving-in-my-car-and-think-I-look-really-cool" pics.  Oh and also check out the Blu Blockers that ALL of them are wearing! Hey 1992 called and it wants its sunglasses back.  WTF?

Look a preppy driving and taking pictures of himself! Yay!

Ok, so update from a guy.  He says that a.) guys take pics in cars because they are usually all dressed up and going somewhere so they think they look the best and/or b.) guys won't ask friends to take pics of them.  He could not, however, explain why some dudes are actually driving while they are taking their pics.  Thinning the herd I suppose.  I just hope they don't thin those of us that don't wanna be thinned! 

Nice chain dude.

Oh and gents, another thing, why are NONE of you smiling? Would it kill ya to show some teeth?

(Don't even get me started on the Ed Hardy.  Thanks Jersey Shore.)

"I'm the driver of a limo, so this isn't even my car.......but I still look good.....yeeeeaaaa"

Ok, this guy looks good in his sunglasses but he looks mean.  I don't like mean.  Mean is mean.  Mean is like, someone stole my donut and now I'm mad mean.  Mean.

Next we have MORE sunglasses, but this time its from his mom's kitchen.  Yippee!!  Mmmm, whats mom cookin'? Smells delish!  Must be fish head stew because ole boy don't look too happy.  MmmHmm.

Maybe it wasn't mom's kitchen but Uncle Sergio's.  Uncle Sergio? Is that you??  You're on here too?  And this is your main profile pic?   Mmmm, we need to talk about the wife beater, reading glasses and the "sauce" on the counter.  Sends the wrong message I think.

Oh shoot and cousin Pedro! I didn't know....I mean, its cool yo, I just didn't think......cuz you know.....you said you and the ladies are......well, yea.......I mean.......nevermind.  Uh, but put on a shirt would ya?  Thanks.

Now we have one that makes perfect sense! Ok, not really, unless you are in the market for a perfectly formed and groomed.......tricep!  Yep, there it is!

But why?

(*shaking head*)

Nice boobs by the way.  They are so......perky.

Moving on.....

Next we have.....and I'm not kidding you.....this is the guys MAIN and ONLY picture on his page! I don't get it!?!  What am I missing?  I know he's missing a shirt and well....a head....but why!?!? A farmers tan and a flat tummy? Mmmmmmkay. How could a girl say no!?

No.

Finally, I've been complaining that these guys never show teeth, so here's what I get:

Yep.

And finally.  This one gets the Grand WTF?!?! Prize.

Say it with me now.  W. T. F.

I think I used to like weekends.

Do you remember when weekends were all about laying about with a jumbo bag of Doritos and nothing to do but channel surf?  Yea, me either.  

What happened?  On Monday, my next weekend looks like an open, endless block of time just full of a whole lotta nothin'!  Aaaaand then the week rolls on to Tuesday....oh, right, crap.  Laundry needs to be done.  Fine, but I got the WHOLE rest of the weekend to watch dust bunnies mate! Aaaand then....oh....right, gotta vaccuum because the dust bunnies actually HAVE been mating.  They have mated on every surface, on every rug and apparently are now mating with the hair bunnies.  Well, fine.  So what, I still have the ENTIRE weekend to lay around and watch infomercials and catch up on my 37 DVR episodes of Top Gear!  

Argh.  I forgot I gotta get my nails done because its starting to look like I stop my car with my hands, Flintstone style.  Ok, well...yea and while I'm at the mall, I'll return that shirt.  

Sweet niblets.....the car needs to be washed and I mean REALLY washed.  I found out birds CAN get diarrhea and my coffee exploded all over the dash yesterday.  The radio is stuck on some Tejano station and while I don't mind a polka styled tune at a wedding perhaps, rolling around LA with the top down and "Toro Relajo" blaring outta my car may send the wrong message.  Especially since I already get enough attention from the beat up pickup trucks with the lawnmowers in the back and 16 guys shoved in the cab.  Gotta draw the line somewhere.  Si! Bueno! Gracias!

No bueno.

Then the checkbook needs balancing, bills need to be paid, need to mail that care package, get to the gym, water the plants, wash the dog, clean up the guest room, reorganize that drawer, drop the clothes at Goodwill.....

Do you see where this is headed?  No wonder I'm exhausted Monday mornings and I'm sure I'm not the only one.  I hate the endless lists of "to do's" and its one reason I don't go to church because thats one more thing to do, plus I need to shower for it!!  I honestly don't shower much on weekends unless there will be another human within 10 feet of me because I have no FREAKIN TIME and its one more thing TO DO!!

Wow, now the whole idea of marrying and having children downright frightens me.  

Although....with lack of sleep comes some level of ignorance is bliss, so it may be a good thing!  And.... maybe I'll make friends with the interracial dust bunnies and name them "Harry" and "Fluffy" and maybe I can train them to find the remote should I have a daydream about the days I used to sit on the couch and stare at a 1080p screen but perhaps I won't since I can't actually recall when I ever did that.....or I'll just teach them to bake cookies.  Yea.  That's a good idea.  Ok, bunnies, but wash your hands first.