Monday, March 15, 2010


You ever have one of those days where you wonder where your life went? Now, I don't mean the "damn I'm getting old" wonder where your life went, but more like the "who the hell has the stuff I was supposed to have"?

This has been bothering me a lot recently. I look at people with kids and I think, where are my kids? Where is my husband, my best friend, my love? I am a master at manifesting stuff. Master. I have had some amazing things happen in my life because I have a thought and then it pops into my reality. Crazy, wacky, cool sh*t. I can make almost anything come into fruition.....except that dern relationship.

I don't want to be that old lady with the dogs....or God forbid the cats. I say this because I am allergic to cats and if I start collecting them, then that means you should have me on suicide watch. But seriously, I want to be that person that annoys the crap out of her friends by reporting all the cute (and stupid) little things my offspring did that day. That is until they become a teenager and I'm marking days off the calendar till they go to college. I want the chaotic house to come home to. I want the 'what the hell are we gonna have for dinner' dilemma. I want the chore charts and the time out chair and the laundry and the schedules with the soccer practices and the report cards.

Right now, I have a squeaky chihuahua that greets me from behind his gate in the kitchen. "Mommy's home! Mommy's home! Yay Mommy! Oh, look! Toy!! Toy, toy, toy, toy, toy......" Yea, its great for about 2 minutes then he's bored with me and off to go find his cozy spot of the couch after he has taken every single toy out of his basket and strewn them all over the room. I love my little 6 lbs of fur, but I want more.

So my friends tell me to ask other friends if they know someone to set me up with because this is how they met their spouse. So I ask and this is the response I get every time. "Yea, I know people, but I wouldn't set them up with you." And there is usually a part two to their reason like "...because he drinks too much" or "....he's still not over his ex." Or "....he's kind of immature". Fabulous. Oh! Oh! PLEASE can you find me an immature alcoholic who is stalking their ex?! Triple threat! What fun!!


Don't even get me started on the dating sites online. If they exist, I've been a member at some point.....well, except for and only because I'm not Jewish....but if I was...!!!! Yea and let me just warn you folks, eHarmony is the WORST!! My first match ended up being with a 5'1" Vietnamese guy who still lived with his mom. His main picture was of him on his mother's piano in a Liberace jacket! NOT KIDDING. Oh and I'm 5'6" so 5'1" is beyond my cutoff. I've dated 5'5" and that was a bit troublesome with 5" heels. (On me, not him just in case you were wondering)

So I'm staring down another birthday in a few weeks wondering where my best friend is. I'm not looking for perfection, or Prince Charming. I've lived in reality long enough to know that perfect would drive me BANANAS, so I'm just looking for a good guy, with a good heart, who wants to grow old with a wicked cool chick.

If you see any, send them my way. But please ask if they still live with their mom's before givin them my phone number.

Good times.

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