Wednesday, May 4, 2011

I think I used to like weekends.

Do you remember when weekends were all about laying about with a jumbo bag of Doritos and nothing to do but channel surf?  Yea, me either.  

What happened?  On Monday, my next weekend looks like an open, endless block of time just full of a whole lotta nothin'!  Aaaaand then the week rolls on to Tuesday....oh, right, crap.  Laundry needs to be done.  Fine, but I got the WHOLE rest of the weekend to watch dust bunnies mate! Aaaand then....oh....right, gotta vaccuum because the dust bunnies actually HAVE been mating.  They have mated on every surface, on every rug and apparently are now mating with the hair bunnies.  Well, fine.  So what, I still have the ENTIRE weekend to lay around and watch infomercials and catch up on my 37 DVR episodes of Top Gear!  

Argh.  I forgot I gotta get my nails done because its starting to look like I stop my car with my hands, Flintstone style.  Ok, well...yea and while I'm at the mall, I'll return that shirt.  

Sweet niblets.....the car needs to be washed and I mean REALLY washed.  I found out birds CAN get diarrhea and my coffee exploded all over the dash yesterday.  The radio is stuck on some Tejano station and while I don't mind a polka styled tune at a wedding perhaps, rolling around LA with the top down and "Toro Relajo" blaring outta my car may send the wrong message.  Especially since I already get enough attention from the beat up pickup trucks with the lawnmowers in the back and 16 guys shoved in the cab.  Gotta draw the line somewhere.  Si! Bueno! Gracias!

No bueno.

Then the checkbook needs balancing, bills need to be paid, need to mail that care package, get to the gym, water the plants, wash the dog, clean up the guest room, reorganize that drawer, drop the clothes at Goodwill.....

Do you see where this is headed?  No wonder I'm exhausted Monday mornings and I'm sure I'm not the only one.  I hate the endless lists of "to do's" and its one reason I don't go to church because thats one more thing to do, plus I need to shower for it!!  I honestly don't shower much on weekends unless there will be another human within 10 feet of me because I have no FREAKIN TIME and its one more thing TO DO!!

Wow, now the whole idea of marrying and having children downright frightens me.  

Although....with lack of sleep comes some level of ignorance is bliss, so it may be a good thing!  And.... maybe I'll make friends with the interracial dust bunnies and name them "Harry" and "Fluffy" and maybe I can train them to find the remote should I have a daydream about the days I used to sit on the couch and stare at a 1080p screen but perhaps I won't since I can't actually recall when I ever did that.....or I'll just teach them to bake cookies.  Yea.  That's a good idea.  Ok, bunnies, but wash your hands first.



1 comment:

* said...

Hysterically well written!!!