Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Are you a Sugar Addict?

I've come to a realization.

I am a sugar addict.

I know sugar is socially acceptable......and it tastes REALLY, REALLY good.....and its cheap to get......and its easy to sneak....except trying to open a Snickers in a quiet room full of people......

BUT, there are many sugar addicts out there and they just may be your next door neighbor. Or they may just enable your habit by inviting you over after they've knocked off a cupcake store. So.....well, okay, so they are addicts too. But who isn't? I mean, I blame the Girl Scouts. And yes, I was one. But who offers up the most ridiculously delicious cookies RIGHT AFTER we have all made our resolutions to get skinny?

They are pushers. PUSHERS!! And don't let the little sashes, sweet smiles and high pitched "Do you wanna buy some cookies?" fool you!! PUUUUUSSSSHHHHHEEERRRRSSS!!! Run FAR AWAY FROM THE MIDGETS SPORTING TOOTHLESS SMILES AND SHINY EYES! THEY ARE HIGH ON SUGAR PEOPLE!!!

Just in case you aren't sure if you are an addict, read below.....and weep.....then eat a box of cookies......and when the high wears off......eat another box of cookies.......then weep some more. You may be surprised what an addict you truly are!

Most sugar addictions start with casual or social use of sugar. For some people, this is as far as it goes. For other people, using sugar becomes a habit and use becomes more and more frequent. As time passes, you may need larger doses of sugar to get buzzed and deal with that annoying co-worker across the hall. Soon you may need the sugar just to feel good. As your sugar use increases, you may find that it becomes increasingly difficult to go without it. Stopping may cause intense cravings and make you feel physically ill (withdrawal symptoms).

Sugar addiction symptoms or behaviors include:

  • Feeling that you have to eat cookies regularly — this can be one or several boxes (esp. Girl Scout)
  • Failing in your attempts to stop using the sugar
  • Making certain that you maintain a supply of cake, candy, ice cream, etc.
  • Spending money on the box of Thin Mints even though you can't afford it
  • Doing things to obtain sugar that you normally wouldn't do, such as stealing from kids Halloween bags
  • Feeling that you need sugar to deal with that annoying coworker ACROSS THE HALL!!
  • Driving or doing other risky activities like playing Twister when you're under the influence of sugar
  • Focusing more and more time and energy on getting and consuming mass quantities of sugar
Was there some head nodding? Some tears? Face it, you're an addict. Its the ugly truth and the quicker you face it....well, or the quicker you can get the dustbuster out to vacuum up the cookie crumbs off the couch to hide the evidence!!

You have to get your life back. You have to say "no'! You have stand up and say "NO MORE COOKIES YOU EVIL LITTLE DEMON PUSHERS FROM HELL!"

Or meet me at my house.....


.......I still have a box of Thin Mints in the freezer!

1 comment:

Mala said...

OMG I'm so sorry I made you wear that green dress and the sash and sent you out with boxes of cookies. I never meant to turn YOU into a SUGAR PUSHER and start you on that road to becoming a SUGAR ADDICT. Let's face it - you learned about freezing Thin Mints from me. Do we need an intervention?

Contrite Mom
P.S. Didn't I teach you appropriate addict behavior - open your candy bars before meetings and put them in tiny ziplocks?