So let me ask you all something.
If you saw THIS picture on a dating site, would you say "Aw! How cute! Lemme check out his profile!"
Or would you say......"What...........the..............f**k." ??
Yea, thats what I said too.
The above picture is from an actual dating site. Oh. Yes. It. Is.
First of all, to all you married ladies out there.....HUG YOUR HUSBANDS AND THANK GOD YOU ARE NOT SINGLE!! (Ali.....COOKIE!) And if you are having problems in your marriage, seek counseling because TRUST ME..........(yes, its the truth)...........YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE OUT THERE.
Right now, I would rather be zipped up in a sleeping bag with rabid porcupines, covered in fire ants with Tabasco in BOTH eyes than be single. Let me be blunt.
With all these dating sites, guys don't have to work very hard. Plus they have a never ending supply of fresh ponies to take out on the town. Some guys just use these sites as a bang list. Its kinda sad and it makes nice girls like me lose faith in the fact that there actually are good guys out there.
I started internet dating back in 1995 when Match.com was Love@aol. Yea, I've been on there....that.....long. Over the years, I have tried all the sites. Eharmony, Chemistry, Match, OkCupid, FitSingles, etc. If its existed, I've been on it. All these years later, there are still the same guys on there, with the same pictures and the same bio. Albeit, 25 pounds later.....and no, they have not updated their pics.
I'm just tired of it all. I'm ready to settle down. I'm tired of the d*uchebags and the pics of themselves with their car and their sunglasses and the tough look on their face. I'm tired of the pictures where the guy is so far in the distance that you aren't sure if its a dude or a tree. I'm tired of the pics of the guys with girls hanging all over them. REALLY? Yer on a dating site and you've got a gaggle of drunk bimbs hanging on you? Do you think OTHER girls think thats hot? I'm tired of the guys with empty profiles saying "I don't feel I need to tell the whole world who I am. If you want to get to know me, just ask."
Ok. Let me get this straight, you aren't going to write anything on your profile and you want us to CHASE you and ask you to open up a WEE bit about yourself? Hey buddy, if you aren't going to take a moment to give us a glimpse of who you are, then we aren't going to take the lazy way out and even email or "wink" at you.
Don't get me started on the laziness of the "wink". Basically you don't even have to craft a sentence. You just click "wink" on someones profile that you like and then they get an email that says "(So and so) just winked at you! If you'd like to strike up a conversation with them, simply reply with something short and encouraging, like “Thanks for the wink! What's new?”
I could go on about this........for.......ever.
In the meantime, I'll keep patrolling the grocery stores, trying not to say something retarded to the hot guy in produce like "Haaalllalllaaaaaaaa...uh....huuuaaa....." and then run for the door.
Ali, I'm writing you the check for your kids college fund so they will take care of me in the old folks home while I'm still mumbling...."Haaalllalllaaaaaaaa...uh....huuuaaa....."