Friday, May 21, 2010

Costco discriminates against single people.

Think about it for a second. How much sense does it make for a single person to go to Costco? I mean, I guess its great if you have a large freezer and don't mind eating chicken every day for 2 months, but lets face it, its really not designed for us single folks! I, for one, actually have one of those 3/4 size fridges, so I can fit even less and each time I open the damn thing, something is always bound to come shooting out at me. Rogue broccoli, disgruntled fish filets.....not sure how they'd become disgruntled.....or even what that means, but they are on a mission to GET OUT.

But back to Costco, grrrrr Costco. You know what they need? A singles area! Seriously! A place where us unattached can hang out and buy single servings of things at a reasonable price....and maybe have a bar! Yea! Yea and a rope to keep the families out! "SINGLES ONLY" I love it! I mean seriously, I go there and I get run over by the screaming children whose mom has already given them too much candy, and shes in a bad mood so she is hellbent on running us singles over with her shopping cart cuz we look like we haven't a care in the world. Then the dads that almost look like they'd rather be anywhere else, except for the fact that Costco places the electronics RIGHT INSIDE THE FRONT DOOR. (they aren't stupid) So the dads are stuck, all glossy eyed looking at the 6000" inch plasmas and mom is trying to wrangle the, kids and then us single folks end up looking at the books and DVDs because we couldn't possibly eat those portions of food in a year!

Which brings me to my next thought. How much are you actually saving? Stay with me on this one. You see a 10lb bag of peanut M&M's and you go, "FIVE BUCKS! FIVE BUCKS? Really?!? WOOHOO!!! FIVE BUCKS FOR M&M's!!" You take those colorful little nuggets home and they become your friend. You love them and hold them close, even wrapping the bag up in a blanket on the couch so its cozy while you enjoy them as you watch your favorite reality train wreck.

Then it happens. That day comes where you finish that bag. And guess what?

THAT 10 POUNDS OF M&M's IS NOW RESTING COMFORTABLY ON YOUR ASS!!! what do you do? You start shopping for gym memberships. How much do you think it will cost for the three months it will take you to get those M&M's off your ass? (And whatever other snacks you got on the cheap at Costco?) It ain't gonna be $5 and I'm guessing those M&M's are now gonna cost you more like a few hundred. So is it really worth it?

And while we are STILL on the subject of Costco, whats up with the "family packs"? ANOTHER way Costco discriminates against singles. Don't you even need a "Family Membership" card to BUY the family packs? No? Well, I'm shocked. I'm sure they are working on one to further alienate us singles.

"I'm sorry ma'am, you have no husband or children, you can't buy that family pack of shampoo. We need proof of a household bigger than...ahem, one."

"But I have a dog!?"

"Sorry spinster. Move along. NEXT!"

Yea, yea, yea.

Speaking of family packs. Here's something to ponder. A family pack of condoms. Thats right........hmmmmmmm?!?! Shouldn't it be the NON-family pack? I mean EEESH!! First of all, is the father and son sharing them? Eeeeeewwwww!! And then isn't it a contradiction to have something that PREVENTS a family, packaged FOR a family?

Serious head scratcher.

Talk amongst yourselves.

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